Don’t let go. I have so many issues and insecurities but I promise I am trying my best to fight them off, and with you holding my hand I’m a lot stronger.

Don’t let go even if I push you away. Especially if I push you away. Because that’s when I’m most vulnerable and broken that I want everyone to leave me so they can’t see how damaged I am.

Don’t let go even if I say I hate you. I don’t. You’re holding my hand. You’re helping me. Why would I hate you? That’s just me saying I need you. That’s me saying hold me closer.

So please be patient with me. I know I’m being selfish. I know I don’t deserve you. I know you’re too good for me. I would let you go if you want. I won’t stop you. But you have me as long as you want me and I’d take what I can get.

I need you, even just to breathe. I don’t know if that’s healthy but it is for me. I need you because no one else had held my hand like you do. I need you because with you I’m better. I need you because you are my light.

I just…I love you and if that’s wrong then I don’t want to be right.

You’re like Math

Yeah, Mathematics, Algebra, Calculus and the likes

All those complicated numbers and letters and Greek symbols that never really made sense to me

All those tangents and cosines and graphs and diagrams that my brain refuses to digest

That’s what you are to me

Sometimes I understand you, most of the time I don’t

And I may ignore and get tired of you for a while

I still find myself going back,

Missing your complicatedness

Needing a dose of your mystery

Hating your casual arrogance

Longing for your unmitigated gentleness

Figuring out your silence

And finding meaning into your grins.

You speak of things not many people can relate to

And there are times you are unapologetic when you say awful things unintentionally

I admire your skill of being carefree

Looking at you makes one feel so…unburdened; light

But there are times I look at you and see your soul reflected into your brown eyes

You don’t notice it because I don’t let you

I pull away from your amused stares

I pull away from your double-meaning words

Because I’m afraid to find out whether I’m right or wrong

To assume what they were about

But as much as I admire your carelessness, I hate it too

You show kindness to everyone and everyone mistakes it for something else

And I hate how I’m one of them

However, there are times I catch you staring at me

And when I stare back, you smile and don’t look away

I’m not insensitive and I think you feel something for me

But unless you directly state them, I won’t assume

I won’t

I don’t want to be disappointed

I don’t want to get hurt

And I don’t want you to know that

You have an overwhelming power to either love me or hurt me.

I didn’t ask for confusion

And yet God gave me you

Well, not really no

At least I don’t think so

But for whatever reason, I’m still thankful

Because of you,

Because of only you,

I am getting better

I am changing for the better

I have learned how to keep it all together

But even though you don’t care,

Thank you anyway

You dense, insensitive, ungrateful shit.

RAIN

The feeling you get before, during, and after the rain?

That’s how you make me feel.

You make me feel anxious;

Like how I feel while looking up to find the sky dark and cloudy,

Immediately knowing that it might rain—

Instantly worrying over something that still hasn’t happened yet.

You make me wonder;

Like when it’s already raining, and I am sure that I’m not going to get wet.

So I stay still and wait as I watch the rain in fascination

And think about my life,

As I wait for it to stop.

And then you make me feel relieved and nostalgic;

Like how I feel when the rain finally stops, knowing that I can finally go out.

But when I do and get to fill my lungs with the smell it leaves,

I start missing it—

The sound it makes and the stillness it gives to the surroundings,

As if everything was in a pause.

You mess up my thoughts and emotions.

You are the sole reason why I write these words.

You are what you are to other people, but to me

You are something else entirely—

Something you haven’t heard,

Something you probably don’t even want to hear.

But the damage has been done, as they say,

I now have a reason to dream

And an excuse to feel poetic.

And that’s how you make me feel.