You’re like Math

Yeah, Mathematics, Algebra, Calculus and the likes

All those complicated numbers and letters and Greek symbols that never really made sense to me

All those tangents and cosines and graphs and diagrams that my brain refuses to digest

That’s what you are to me

Sometimes I understand you, most of the time I don’t

And I may ignore and get tired of you for a while

I still find myself going back,

Missing your complicatedness

Needing a dose of your mystery

Hating your casual arrogance

Longing for your unmitigated gentleness

Figuring out your silence

And finding meaning into your grins.

You speak of things not many people can relate to

And there are times you are unapologetic when you say awful things unintentionally

I admire your skill of being carefree

Looking at you makes one feel so…unburdened; light

But there are times I look at you and see your soul reflected into your brown eyes

You don’t notice it because I don’t let you

I pull away from your amused stares

I pull away from your double-meaning words

Because I’m afraid to find out whether I’m right or wrong

To assume what they were about

But as much as I admire your carelessness, I hate it too

You show kindness to everyone and everyone mistakes it for something else

And I hate how I’m one of them

However, there are times I catch you staring at me

And when I stare back, you smile and don’t look away

I’m not insensitive and I think you feel something for me

But unless you directly state them, I won’t assume

I won’t

I don’t want to be disappointed

I don’t want to get hurt

And I don’t want you to know that

You have an overwhelming power to either love me or hurt me.

I didn’t ask for confusion

And yet God gave me you

Well, not really no

At least I don’t think so

But for whatever reason, I’m still thankful

Because of you,

Because of only you,

I am getting better

I am changing for the better

I have learned how to keep it all together

But even though you don’t care,

Thank you anyway

You dense, insensitive, ungrateful shit.